I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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