The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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