I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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