I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
