the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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