i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
