broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
