i may or may not be watching the land before time
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
