Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
where are my eyebrows?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
