You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
