I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
