Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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