Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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