If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
