Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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