none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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