I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
