I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
