I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
