i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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