I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
