So drunk, too bad you don't want this
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
