So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
