I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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