someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
