I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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