Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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