I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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