apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
40s are totally the cure
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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