You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
