you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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