Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
