Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning

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(561): View more from Florida

Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.

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(302): View more from Delaware

this must be what syphilis tastes like

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(276): View more from Virginia

Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution

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(714): View more from California

Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a

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