Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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