so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
