pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you would pick up someone in the library
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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