I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
