I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
