I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
