Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize