i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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