We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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