just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
