It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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