I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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