that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
