she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
