$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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