3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
