Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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