How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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