I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My liver just had a heart attack.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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