You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
