I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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