I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
