Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
