Even my vagina gasped.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize