Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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