You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
