My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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