Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I need water and some morals
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
