and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
