WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
