While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
