he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
