he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
