Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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