1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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