I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
