He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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