when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
