I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
