Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Randomize