Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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