update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
