Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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