you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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