i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
