just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
