I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
