Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
