Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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