if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
