my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize