Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
