Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
