my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
