those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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