told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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