I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it's like iHOP with fire
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
