The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
