in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
