Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
