she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
