Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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