She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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