Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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