the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize