"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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