I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
