you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
